Arrested Community
by noshitkatpiss
Summary: The Greendale seven find themselves hosting some new and peculiar guests. What will the Bluths bring to Greendale, and why are they here anyway? A Community/Arrested Development fanfic. I am just starting out so I'd really appreciate reviews and ideas :)
1. Chapter 1

It was precisely 7 am as Annie, Troy and Abed were excitedly setting up their tv show in the study room. Annie, though she would hardly admit it herself, was excited about finally being able to be on the show.

"Guys," she said "look what I bought! A mug and a model Greendale diorama I made and..." she paused as she unfurled the banner out of her bag "A Troy and Abed _and _Annie in the morning banner."

Abed studied the items with a look of deliberation on his face and Troy looked at them in utter horror.

"Annie," he said, stepping in front of her "We let you get on the show on strict conditions, one of them being that you don't mess up our jam."

Annie's lip quivered a little. "What's your... jam?"

"Jam means charisma, Annie, jam means chemistry, it means things staying in order." Abed broke in. "This is exactly what I feared when I let you become a regular. You'd mess with the natural system. Either you would make the trio dynamic, or you would destroy it beyond repair."

He paused to let the full effect sink into her, then studied Annie with his head cocked to the side. A minute passed, Annie growing more anxious, started to think about what she could say to make Abed change his mind, but suddenly he straightened up and pronounced;

"But if we didn't let you in this show would become stagnant, it would lose tension. But there will be no dioramas."

"But this one has a little study room, look and a little Dean Pelton, and look..." she pointed to the entrance to Greendale "A little Jeff and Me!" she pointed at her masterpiece, with a proud smile. The Jeff and Annie dolls had taken her the longest to make.

"Exactly. No dioramas" Abed insisted.

"But..." Annie was still eager to protest, when Troy started pacing up and down the room, clearly in his own world, frustrated.

"Look what you've done to Troy," Abed said, pointing "He's very unstable, you should know that from when you bought the different brand of Coco Pops."

Annie sprang to her own defense "They looked the same..."

"Well they weren't the same, were they, Annie?!" Troy was now sitting in the fetal position on the couch.

"Down, boy, down, shhh" Abed attempted to comfort his friend.

Annie, unable to stand it any longer, drew her breath and shouted "Okay I don't need to show the diorama, if you'd all stop being so sensitive, though I don't understand why I never get to participate in any of your games! As for the Jeff and Me, I had no more clay, so that's the only reason I only made us two and-"

She had plenty more to say, she had her disney face all prepared, when Dean Pelton walked in. As expected he was wearing a weird costume. Today it was a floral design, obviously stuffed to make his look plump, old lady glasses, a silver wig and an umbrella. but unlike the Dean, he failed to introduce himself and just stood there, humming. The three flatmates approached him curiously, studying this weird creature, who (it had become clear now) was not Dean Pelton. Then Abed drew back, pointed his finger and said quietly "Tobias."

"Who is this Tobias that you speak of? I am Mrs Featherbottom. From Blackstool. How may I be of service?" Said Mrs Featherbottom, fluffing her skirt and trying to curtsy, while making sure her wig didn't come off. Mrs Featherbottom was risking a lot as his wig was already on sideways and revealed a shiny forehead.

"Tobias," Abed hastily explained "is a character from Arrested Development, which only ran for three seasons before it was cancelled. It's the best show."

Annie and Troy nodded, dazed. Annie felt the need to protest. Abed was going too far, she told herself. Of course, they could all take the movie references and the constant thinking that they were a movie show themselves, damnit, they had even taken that weird period when Abed thought they were all claymation characters. But _this? _

However she had no time to voice her emotions before Mrs Featherbottom tore off her wig in fury and took off her dress, to emerge as Tobias.

"I am here," exclaimed Mrs Featherbottom, aka Tobias, "because I heard the call of artistic duty, and responding to his soft gentle touch, I let him penetrate me until I was full, now I stand before you, a reborn man, to ask (at this point he sank to the floor, bowing) can I be a part of your show?"

"Umm... I suppose the cups and stuff need washing..." Annie hesitantly replied, striving to be polite. She need have said no more, as Tobias already took the cups, the banners, even the diorama and started to arrange them into their rightful places, but his was of moving was not like a normal person. He glided, like a leopard, which Abed took without any notice.

"I have fulfilled your request, and would you do me the honor of filling me with the greatest joy...?" he said, once he'd finished. Everyone awkwardly paused as Tobias stood beaming at them, crating what he thought was a dramatic pause. Once the pause had been sufficiently dramatic, in his opinion, he exclaimed "The greatest joy of letting me be on your show?" And with these words he sank to the floor.

7:30 am. The dynamic had changed. The study room was now a audition room. Troy and Abed occupied the camera, while Annie sat in the chair, a director's chair no less, and got ready to audition. This was her time to shine. She has made her cardigan flawless, she has tied her hair back, she had even got a clipboard, and now, now she would show Troy and Abed just how awesome and responsible she was. Not to mention that this position of power felt strangely good.

"Now," she said, pointing her pen at Tobias "what experience do you have of erm... performance on screen?"

"I don't understand." said Tobias "Because about the experience on screen..."

"Any auditions?" said Annie, her voice gaining authority.

Tobias' face lit up "Oh _yes._ Lots of auditions. I can do my fire sale performance!"

And before Annie could say anything, he was off. Tobias curled on the floor and started shrieking.

"Oh My God! We're having a fire... sale! Evacuate the children, take the women, there's just no time!"

He then proceeded to run around the study room, screaming. The three members of the study group stood in awe. In theory they should have done something, but Tobias' performance wasn't as captivating as it was horrific. Even Abed seemed less then eager to approach him. This left Tobias a free hand and he proceeded to turn the study room table so that the front was facing them while he hid behind the back.

"Oh my God, the prices! The prices! Children, hide, anyone who can, save yourselves! This is not a drill, I repeat this is not a drill! Ahh! My leg! My leg... no go ahead while I die, save the children, oh my lord the children-"

At that moment, both Jeff Winger and Dean Pelton came into the study room. First they both stood at the doorway, unsure of what to do.

"Jeffery, what a tight spot we're in," said Dean Pelton "I must say your cologne is mesmerizing, do I detect a hint of pine?" He put his hand on Jeff's shoulder "You know, you should wear leather more often it really-"

"Okay that's it." Jeff freed himself from the Dean and went to restore order. It was really tiring, having to do it all the time, relieving the study group of their duties, guiding them along all the time. He was so sick of being the hero for all of them, I mean, really, couldn't they take care of matters themselves?

"Hey, Mrs. Doubtfire" he said, for Tobias , in the midst of dramatic calling, had put on his wig and was now impersonating an old woman. "Pack it in."

"It's Mrs. Featherbottom actually-" Tobias began to speak when Dean Pelton interrupted.

"Tobias Funke is now our resident psychology teacher."

"And why would we need a new psychology teacher?" said Annie, dazed as why this was was going to be teaching about mental health.

"And why are the cameras so weird?" Jeff remarked. He was right, the cameras _were _weird, the light was different and they were moving more. Plus now Abed was behind them, writing something down and speaking into a microphone.

"_Because_ Jeffery, the Bluth family will be our guests for the next couple of days." Dean Pelton explained, putting his hand on Jeff's shoulder.

"And why exactly is that?" Jeff remarked.

"You know, enrichment, values, teaching, community, life that sort of thing..." Dean Pelton drifted off.

"So how much are you getting paid?" Jeff would never suspect the Dean of being honest.

"Okay, you caught me, you bad-" there even the Dean knew he was going too far. "Yes, the jist of the matter is we may or may not be able to afford a better costume department after this, but the goal of the whole exchange is to form stronger bonds between you and The Bluths. And part of that is Tobias being the new psychology teacher."

"Exactly!" Tobias was now in his own world "I would have much rather been the head of Drama, which I will also teach, but psychology is also a calling of sorts. I will dig into your subconscious, and go deeper and deeper until we are both finished and the darkest secrets of our lives are brought to surface."

The four members of the study group started at him with a certain disgust. Dean Pelton, however, was impressed.

"Well, well" he exclaimed, giving Tobias his signature look "Looks like we have a real trooper. And I love your wig."

Jeff sighed and whispered to Annie "God, I hope Britta doesn't take to him or we're all screwed. Literally."

Annie giggled while Abed sat down in his signature spot and ignoring the looks being exchanged between the Dean and Tobias and Annie and Jeff, he began voicing his hypothesis.

"What we have here is very exciting. It seems like the cast of Arrested Development is joining our show for an episode. Since I am the natural surveyor of human interaction, I have decided that I will be the narrator, since we're clearly not budgeted to have one. I'm calling it..." there he paused for effect "Arrested Community"

"Yeah, real original. And, Abed," Jeff began, as he always began when reminding Abed that there was a real world. "This is clearly just a scheme for money by doing some sort of exchange with this family. There is no such thing as Arrested Development. _I've_ never seen it."

"Of course you haven't Jeff," Abed explained patiently "You don't have taste in good tv. It's because of people like you that everything good dies. Like Sean Bean, in every movie he ever starred in. Annie and Troy are too young to have seen it, Britta was probably still at Woodstock, and Pierce doesn't even know how to turn on the TV, and the less said about Shirley, the better."


	2. Chapter 2

"Now, Lindsey, I'm not saying that you should _stop _eating, I am just pointing out that with figure like yours food might not be the best _option._"

The words were muttered by a woman dressed in a pink suit, with bobbed hair, carrying a small pink purse. She was immaculate from head to toe, and she surveyed the room with a slight superiority and something else Annie couldn't quite place her finger on. The words were addressed to a tall blonde woman wearing a large fur coat. They stepped in to the room and surveyed it with a certain disgust. Lindsey took out her air freshener.

"If this is punishment for being so involved, Mother, it's not going to work. I don't mind this place. In fact I think it's... lovely." Lindsey sat defiantly in Britta's chair "How exactly are we going to help these people?"

Dean Pelton, clearly feeling the need to get involved, decided to introduce himself to the new arrivals. He advanced to the eldest woman.

"Um, Hello!" he said, extending his arm to the woman "It is my _uncontrollable_ pleasure to welcome you to our... humble abode. My name's Dean Pelton and here we have-"

"Lucille," said Lucille, surveying his still extended hand, not even moving hers an inch "And no." she said, walking away and sitting in Jeff's chair, not before she studied it carefully and muttered a spiteful "Eugh."

"Okay, Dean, I think we all need an explanation of who these people are." Said Jeff. Seeing Lucille take his spot was too much.

"Or... _when _they are?" said Troy for the first time, crawling out of his spot and studying the new characters with interests.

"This is no time for your Inspector Spacetime shenanigans, Troy" Jeff sighed.

"Or is it no _place, _Jeff, is it no _place_?" Troy shot a conspiratory glance towards Jeff.

Lindsey rose out of her seat and decided to address Jeff, as he was the only one that wasn't currently humming the tune to Inspector Spacetime (Annie was allowed to like their games, they were fun, jeez), was her husband wearing a wig, or was someone who looked equally as crazy.

"We're here on an _integration project. _Helping the _disadvantaged. _I didn't know places like these existed." she rose her tone slightly, as if talking to a backwards child.

"Hey, upper- class Britta, I can hear." said Jeff, standing opposite her. "We are not someexperiment. I used to be a lawyer."

She seemed to perk up on the words "lawyer" and sat back down again. She flicked back her fringe, and in slightly deeper tone said "A lawyer...hmm... So...What's a hot shot like you doing in a place like this?"

"Getting a degree. I faked my one and now I have to repeat it at Greendale."

Lindsey extended her hand. "I am so, so sorry." Her eyes tried to meet his, deeply apologetic. Jeff was not moved by this however.

Annie, seeing this, decided to break out of Troy and Abed and (hopefully forever now) Annie in the morning and sat next to Lucille.

"Going to Greendale's nothing to be ashamed of!" she broke in, slightly concerned that Jeff wasn't doing it before her.

"Isn't it?" Lucille interrupted, looking Annie up and down, and reaching into her bag to pull out a bottle of scotch.

"It's 10am." Annie remarked at seeing the bottle, slightly appalled.

"Hence why it's not finished, dear." Lucille replied, lifting the bottle up to her mouth.

Jeff and Annie exchanged glances. Annie knew that Jeff was no stranger to drink and she was no stranger to Caroline from Corpus Cristi, but this woman was clearly something of a professional. She was glad to see, however that he was as taken aback by this as she was.

"I know a lawyer, perhaps you've heard of Bob Lob Law..." Lindsey said and now she and Jeff were engaged in a banter about lawyers and firms and houses in Iraq and a world Annie was unfamiliar with.

"So, what brings you to this dump?" asked Lucille glancing at Lindsey and her attempts to flirt with Jeff, which mainly involved a lot of hair flicking. "If only she had something to stick out" she muttered under her breath.

"Um I had a _very _brief addiction to a pill that I was told would help me focus but instead..." Annie trailed off.

"Cost you your college space and virginity?" Lucille raised her eyebrow.

"Well yes, but you see it's not that simple..."

"And now you're trying to make it out alone in this harsh, unforgiving world. What about arm muscle lawyer, why don't you two pair up?" Lucille leant over to whisper in Annie's ear, her breath carrying the slight hint of scotch.

"Really, you think so?" was Annie's initial reaction but she quickly remembered herself. "Me and Jeff? Nope, never."

"A young gal like you, studying, what is it, you said?"

"I didn't, it's healthcare management"

"Oh, Jesus Christ." Lucille took another swing from her bottle. "You're a young girl, just use the gifts god gave you and you'll be fine."

"Gifts, what gifts?" Annie had a _pretty _clear idea of what Lucille was saying, but she wanted it said. Even if it was disgusting, she wanted it said. And it was said. By Troy.

"Annie's Boobs!" Troy shouted into the air ventilation. Annie and Lucille looked back to find Tobias half naked in the air vent. He was shouting "I shall get you, either from the front or from the behind, and then we shall Blue you, you little beast."

Lucille rolled her eyes. "Even the boy knows, Annie, even he knows. You've gotta go..._downtown." _She raised her eyebrows suggestively, before standing on the table and started dancing "_When life is dull and it's making you feel lonely you can always go... downtown" _Annie shook her head at herself. There was no absolute way that this woman was right. Nope.

Luckily, Britta walked in, followed by Shirley and Pierce, and some unknown man in a suit, who looked stressed.

"Britta!" Annie went to hug her "Look, it's so weird, they've got all these..." she lowered her voice "_people _in here, they're called the Bluths"

She had hardly any time to talk about the weird situation, and the weird people, because the man in the suit was already on the study group table trying to lower Lucille down.

"Lindsey, I told you not to let her drink for at least two hours until she'd settled in. You know how she is!" he shouted as he tried to bring Lucille (who was still singing "Downtown" with impeccable force) down from the table in a way that would not break her or the table.

"Well sorry we're not all as perfect as you Michael, sorry we're not all hanging out with our lawyer girlfriends." Lindsey strived to shout over the sound of Tobias fetching Annie's Boobs, Lucille's singing and Pierce's jokes. "Actually..."

"Her name's Maggie!"

"I know I know." Linsey said, and turned to Jeff. "This is my twin brother Michael, he's no... threat, and neither is my husband Tobias, for that matter." They both glanced at a now literally blue Tobias trying to make his way _out _of the vent. It seemed like he had succeeded his plan of successfully catching Annie's Boobs from behind, but the vent was now cutting off his circulation. "Anyway," Lindsey continued "He thinks he's a big man just because he managed to sleep with her tonight, don't you, Michael? He thinks now it's time to abandon family ties, the family that loves him so greatly... and has give all of their live to him-"

"Nice joke Lindsey" said Michael, finally sitting down

"Maggie?" Jeff suddenly perked up "Maggie Lizer?"

"Yep, how did you know?" said Michael.

"I'm a lawyer too." Jeff said dismissively. "So... Maggie, haven't seen her in quite a while. Maggie Lizer. She... umm, say anything about me? Mention me? We were quite good... friends."

Michael Bluth seemed to think for a second. "Nope, nothing." He finally answered. Jeff seemed a little disappointed.

Dean Pelton, now sensing, as he did every morning that this was his time to shine, stood up on the table and shouted "Now, ladies," he looked at Tobias,"and gentlemen," a glance in the direction of Jeff WInger. "Now that you have settled in, I have no words, only; Break A Dean!"

The members of the study group and the Bluths studied him in silence.

"Michael, are the others all here?" asked Tobias, emerging form the vent, triumphant as ever.

"Yes," Michael replied "George Michael and his precious Ann, and everyone is here. They're in the toilet or lost or... something."

"Yes, I trust George Michael to take the back door, _if _you know what I mean." Tobias sniggered.

"We don't want to know what you mean." Jeff and Michael interrupted, while Pierce, almost choking said "It mean's he's gay!"

"Well, if you want to go there." said Tobias. "I judge nobody."

"So," the Dean interrupted, looking slightly anxious. "Are we all good? Wonderful. I'm off"

And he rose and simply walked away, not forgetting to touch the fabric of Jeff's jacket.

"This is simply divine, Jeffery, and can I take smell the pine again?" Without any response, he plunged his nose into Jeff's neck and smelled to his heart's content, when he discovered that Tobias had joined him.

"Smells like roses." he said as he whiffed the smell, with his eyes closed, and his lips slightly parted.

"Yeah, Jeff, can I have a whiff?" said Britta, looking semi-seriously into Jeff's face and humming.

"_Oh, did you know, that when it snows, my eyes become large and the light that you shine can't be seeeeeen?" _

"_Baby, I compare you to a kiss from the rose on the grey..." _As Britta stopped, Dean Pelton and Tobias carried on. As soon as they realized they were alone, they stopped and looked at each other.

"It's always been my dream to sing that song!" the both said. The whole study group and the Bluths were looking at them in silence so Tobias and The Dean quieted down as well.

"Well," said the Dean "Im off!" and he went out, still wearing Tobias' wig, and hurriedly closed the door behind him.

At first everyone was too stunned to speak. Tobias shook himself off and said "Well he can take the backdoor with me any day.". Jeff ignored the blatant opportunity for sarcasm, Annie sensed that something was not well.

"Are we, are we the only one's here?" he said to Annie, but more to himself.

Slightly put off, she went to check the corridors. Nobody. But there was still class, right? Maybe they'd just missed the bell. She opened the door to the biology lab. Strange. Nobody. No one at reception, no one at the cafeteria, she became more panicked as she searched every possible room she could think of. Then she had a thought. Nah, the Dean would never, lock them in, surely? I mean, what possible reason could he have? Still, she walked faster and faster towards the exit, until she fell into a light sprint. She saw the dean at the door, saw him on the other side, walking away. She finally reached the door. She pulled. Nothing. She pushed. No. She tugged at the door, she tried kicking it, but noting would work.

"Dean! Dean Pelton! You've locked us in!" she shouted.

"Im sorry Annie, but that's just the way things are. That's just how things are supposed to be." boomed the tannoy above her. How did he do this? He was _outside. _

Alarmed, the whole group came hurrying, Michael and Jeff first, followed by Troy and Abed , followed by the rest and a staggering Lucille at the end.

"Goddamn it, Pelton, you've gone too far!" Jeff shouted at the speakers overhead and at the door. He tried everything; punching, shouting, swearing, but nothing worked.

"I'm sorry Jeffery, but this is just they way it's meant to be!" said the speaker, a bit more softly this time.

"How are we meant to live?!"

"Oh, you'll find something."

"What is this?!"

Lucille broke in, finally realizing the horror of it all. "We're stuck in this godforsaken place and I've only got one bottle of scotch?"

It hit Jeff too. "You're leaving us with _one _bottle of scotch? What monster would do this? How am I going to live?" He kicked the door, and edged himself toward Lucille.

But this time, the microphones stayed silent.


End file.
